Impossible Music by Sean Williams

Impossible Music by Sean Williams

Author:Sean Williams
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: HMH Books


“Peyote Squeal”

November 6

Maeve was born thinking I owed her, but sometimes she’s right, and not just for pushing me out of the car the night I argued with Mum.

I fully expected no one to listen to “Pain Grade,” so it was a surprise when people started leaving comments.

There was some criticism: bending flat, copying Metallica, don’t quit your day job, bullshit you’re deaf kind of thing. Someone complained that they could hear me humming along, which is flat-out impossible since I recorded straight from the effects pedals into my laptop with no microphone—​unless the groaning ghost has supernatural powers.

Others were more complimentary, noting my chops, expressing amazement that I couldn’t hear a thing (usually with lots of exclamation marks), and asking for more.

When Maeve left a comment, I knew why the recording was getting hits. She’s way more active on social media than I am. Seeing my Deafman post and figuring out it was me, all she said was He lives! but the message was clear and appreciated. I’d been feeling dead for a while. I was warmed that she’d noticed my brief revival and felt moved to share.

That prompted the question, though: what was I going to do next?

Mia and Shari had left me feeling lonely and isolated, but recording and releasing “Pain Grade” into the wild definitely made me feel better. Perhaps, I reasoned, I should do more.

The second solo I released, “Shark Venus,” was very different from the first. Cleaner sounds, experimental chords, long loops that folded back on themselves in strange, irregular ways. I have no idea if it sounded anything like what I was writing in the moment, in my head, but it gave me a feeling of completion and connection—​and that’s what I was looking for. Getting something out of my system and offloading it onto the internet.

Upload. Share. Wait. That’s the mantra of the modern music mogul, right? Would-be mogul, anyway. I told myself I wasn’t likely to become famous this way. I just wanted Deafman to be noticed by someone.

It was. The first comment on “Shark Venus” was a question from someone calling themselves GlanMaster.

Hey, are you starting a channel?



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